My Not-So-Triumphant Return to Yoga

Posted on Oct 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

Today I went to my first pre-natal yoga class in three weeks.  Three weeks ago, that class had also been my first in three weeks.  That’s two classes in six weeks.  Ouch.

Holy Belly Bump!  My tummy seems to have grown exponentially in these last three weeks, making formerly simple poses excruciatingly difficult.

Let’s take the seated forward fold.  This is not a difficult move.  You sit, legs together and extended, and bend forward (OK, there are a few more body mechanics required that I’m not going to go into, but you get the gist – it’s not hard).  Apparently 33-week pregnant bellies don’t bend so well.  As I leaned forward, I found myself suddenly stopped having barely moved from my starting position, surprised at my inability to go any further.  When did that happen?

“You can spread your legs a little if you need to make room for baby,” the instructor instructed.  A little?  I was straddling the mat before I could even reach my shins.

Child’s pose – a former sweet relief from taxing (but always invigorating, right?) poses.  Not anymore.  Now, with a 20-lb baby bump pulling down on my back, child’s pose offered nothing but discomfort and strain.

How about a sun salutation?  These flowing series of poses are meant to warm up the body a bit.  “Warm up” now means for me, “Rapidly increase heart rate and leave you panting and drenched in sweat”.  Transitioning from a forward lunge to a plank proved nearly impossible, as my stomach seemed intent on preventing my front leg from extending backward.

Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.  Stay in a forward lunge until your belly is no longer protruding far enough to limit all mobility.

How does she bend like that? And why isn't she wearing a shirt that fits?

The class was interminable; I kept checking the clock, willing it to be time for shavasana.  I never look forward to shavasana!  As noted before, lying motionless for 20 minutes “relaxing” and me don’t mix.  But not today.  Bring it on!  Put me out of my misery!

I’d like to note, I think my body is failing pregnancy.  A pregnant woman’s body is supposed to release a hormone called Relaxin that, well, relaxes and loosens up your body in preparation for birth.  I was so looking forward to this.  Despite years of pilates, and more recently yoga, I’ve always been majorly inflexible.  Probably from running.  I was really, really excited about the potential of touching my toes without bending my knees for once! (It’s the little things in life).

But no.  My muscles are tighter than ever.  I don’t have to heed my athletic instructors’ warnings not to “overstretch” – I can’t even get a regular stretch.  I am an anomaly.  And I feel cheated.  Damn Relaxin!

Relaxin or no Relaxin – or seriously underperforming Relaxin – I have committed to continue my pre-natal yoga practice up till birth because “it’s good for me”.  I’m just grateful I have a venue to complain about it here.

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I’m Back in High School, and Your Baby is a Cat. Wait, What?

Posted on Oct 2, 2011 in Uncategorized

Post a Day Challenge Day  #2.  As part of this challenge, WordPress sends out topic ideas every day.  I didn’t really think that necessary (I’m not totally devoid of creativity), but I was curious what these topics would be.  Today’s suggested topic was to write about a recurring dream you’ve had.  Normally I would find that totally cheesy, but I was actually planning on doing a pregnancy dream post anyway!  WHOA. I’ve heard that pregnant women have bizarre, wacko dreams, like giving birth to a goat or having a two-headed child or something.  Thankfully,  I’ve avoided those, since frankly those kind of dreams sound über creepy.  When I was first pregnant, I had some dreams that I was a terrible mother-to-be, doing things like drinking copious amounts of wine and hanging out in hot tubs.  Whoops! Those hot tub hangout dreams stopped, but I have had a variation of the same dream over and over.  And over.  And it’s driving me crazy. I never graduated high school. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but this stresses me out like no one’s business.  To repeatedly find myself back in high school, having discovered I’ve  somehow missed a required class or skipped all my senior year finals is far more terrifying than dreaming about giving birth to demon-children or animals-as-babies. I am a sick, sick woman whose priorities are clearly out of whack. I think this means I am anxious about something.  Gosh, I wonder what?  And why are my anxieties manifesting themselves in a totally unrealistic scenario? (I would have never skipped class in high school or failed my finals).  True, dreaming you are a dolphin swimming through the ocean with a baby on your back is also totally unrealistic, but at least that’s a “normal” improbability for already-crazy pregnant women.  So what the heck is wrong with me? Now I’m curious – Moms or Moms-to-Be: What weird dreams did you have/are you having while pregnant? For the non-preggos:  I imagine having a dream involving babies is terrifying in and of itself.  But feel free to...

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Post A Day Challenge

Posted on Oct 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

The folks at WordPress created a challenge for bloggers to post content once a day, appropriately titled the Post A Day challenge.  Apparently it’s been going on since January to prepare for the National Novel Writing Month in November. Let me be clear: I have absolutely no intention to write a novel in the month of November.  In case you’ve forgotten, I have some other big event happening that month; writing a novel might distract me from the task of keeping a newborn alive and well. But, why not jump on the Post A Day bandwagon and a daily write-up a go for the month of October?  31 days is pretty noncommittal.  Plus, WordPress gave me permission for the posts to be crap.  So if you come across mundanities like, “Wow. I just ate half a bag of potato chips” or made up words like “mundanities”, just roll with it.  I have a friend that makes up words all the time, and it’s quite fun actually. (Lauren, I’m looking at you!) So here goes.  Post #1.  I promise I will try to make them not crappy, but entertaining and witty.  That may become harder the bigger and more irritable I become in my last seven weeks of pregnancy (I’m hoping this will provide some sort of distraction), but please stay with me.  Soon enough I’ll have cute little baby pictures to post about, and who doesn’t love looking at baby pictures?  I just need your support till then. I also promise that I won’t publicize the posts that will inevitably be crappy.  But feel free to look them up on your own.  Just remember, I am getting very little sleep these days so my vocabulary and sentence structure may be questionable. If the thought of reading potentially crappy blog posts with made up words and poor grammar is not that appealing to you, think of it this way: I will certainly make you feel smarter and generally better about yourself.  So now I have something to distract myself from my swollen ankles and achy back (plus typing forces me...

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Sibling Rivalry Hurts. Just Ask My Brother.

Posted on Sep 29, 2011 in Uncategorized

My younger brother Will had a hard lot growing up: He had to grow up in the shadow of his intelligent, witty, good-looking, outgoing older sister (me).  Over the years he had but one thing to lord over me: his athleticism.  I’ll give credit where credit is due – he was a pretty decent water polo player.  Meanwhile, team sports weren’t my thing.  Hand-Eye coordination? Not something I possess.   And Will just loved to boast of his athletic superiority.  After all, it was all he had. But then I discovered I was a pretty decent runner.  Certainly not the fastest in the bunch, but I could go for a while.  Sure, Will could tread water for a few minutes and throw a ball into a net, but could he run 8-10 miles on a daily basis?  Not so much.  No longer could he boast of athletic superiority. This threatened him, and recently he decided he finally needed to prove his running dominance.  Oh silly Will.  Running is for Diana! Last year Will announced he was going to run the Marine Corps Marathon in October 2010.  I had to admire his ambition, if not his hubris.  You see, his reason for registering for the race was to run a marathon before I did.  Well, we (my dad and I) decided to make it a family event, so my dad, mom, husband and I all decided to register.  Again, Will was not pleased. “You can’t run the marathon!” he protested.  “It’s my marathon!” Well clearly that just wasn’t true.  I relished the opportunity to compete against my brother, especially because I was confident I could beat him.  Interestingly, shortly after I registered Will backed out of the race, claiming it would interfere with his water polo training.  Sure, sure.  Whatever you say, Will. Out of my family, my husband and I were the only ones that actually ran the marathon, as my parents suffered injuries and illness.  In the end, I ran a 4:00:58 time.  Like I said before, I’m not a speed demon, but I was very satisfied with what...

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Appeal to Matt Nathanson

Posted on Sep 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

To anyone that has any connection to Matt Nathanson, please feel free to pass this along. Dear Matt Nathanson, I am loving Modern Love.  Seriously.  It’s on repeat on my iPod.  I sing along at a louder-than-acceptable volume, considering I’m singing while on walks through my neighborhood.  Sure, I get some awkward looks from fellow walkers, joggers, bikers, small children and dogs, but that is how much I love the album.  And I really, really want to see you live. Problem: You are not touring anywhere near my hometown in southeastern Virginia.  I considered making the 4-5 hour drive to Washington D.C. to catch your show there, however I was advised that at eight months pregnant, I should avoid unnecessary driving to see a concert that will likely go way beyond my bedtime anyway.  I had to concur, though with great regret. So I have a proposition for you: You come play a private show in my home.  In exchange, I will cook you a homemade meal.  I bet you don’t get a lot of homemade meals on tour, am I right?  OK, maybe you don’t want a homemade meal (if you’ve read this, I don’t blame you), but I can purchase some excellent takeout.  I promise my husband won’t mind.  In fact, he probably won’t even be here! Does that creep you out?  I promise I’m not some crazy-stalker fan.  In fact, I know absolutely nothing about your personal life.  If you’re still creeped out, I am sure I can scrounge up some other ladies that would be willing to watch you perform live in my home.  I’ll hit up my pre-natal yoga class. In fact, we can spin this as some sort of community outreach project!  Music is supposed to be good for babies, right?  Think of all the good you would be doing for all those babies in utero! Developing their brains song after song.  The press would be great!  Not to mention, I’ve read that when a baby is exposed to music in the womb, the same music can have a calming affect on them...

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Don’t Mess with the Non Om Mom

Posted on Sep 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

Because I will take you on.  A snooty San Diegan yoga instructor now knows this quite well. I have been wrapped up in wedding madness for the past few days (hence the recent lack of blogging), and had the pleasure of spending a couple of days on Coronado Island, where my best friend held her ceremony and reception. The morning of the wedding, I was up bright and early and decided to fit in a quick workout at the hotel gym.  The gym was one of the better hotel gyms I have used: two rooms dedicated to cardio equipment and weight lifting machines, and one generous space for stretching and free weights.  As a self-proclaimed gym rat, I was very impressed with the quality of the equipment and the abundance of workout options. After a quick cardio session, I went to the strength and stretching room to do some light weight lifting (nothing too strenuous!) and a cool down.  Stretching is kind of important when you’re pregnant – gotta keep those hips open and those back aches at bay. Two women were in the room practicing yoga.  Not wanting to disturb them, I quietly walked to the far corner and silently picked out a few dumbbells. “Excuse me,” the instructor piped up.  “Can you wait until we are finished with our class?” Class?  What class?  There is one other person in here. “I’m sorry,” I replied quite politely, “But I am on a tight schedule this morning and I can’t wait.” “But you are very distracting,” the yoga instructor replied. Funny, you’re the one who interrupted your “class” to argue with the pregnant woman silently stretching her hamstrings in the far corner of the room.  “I’m sorry, but this is the only space to do this,” I said and continued about my business.  The instructor turned away in a huff and resumed her instruction. At the end of her “class”, she turned to her single participant and said just loud enough for me to hear, “It’s so nice when people respect our space.  I’m sorry that didn’t happen today”. ...

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