Bad Mommy

Posted on Oct 13, 2011 in Uncategorized

Today I am 35 weeks along – eek!  I decided to inventory the nursery to figure out what I still need to purchase in order to be prepared should Baby arrive early.

Armed with a checklist of “Baby Essentials”, I spread out all the newborn clothes, blankets and other assorted baby goods and began checking things off.  And then quickly stopped.

Apparently, my daughter is going to be very well dressed, but as for bathed, diapered, fed… not so much.

Onesies galore!

Layette:

4-8 Bodysuits or onesies – Check!  4-8?  Ha!  I have a dozen, at least.  I am so on top of things.

4-8 Undershirts – Check!  Oh wait, take that back.  The undershirts are for 6-9 months.  No 0-3 months undershirts.  Put that on the “To Buy” list.

4-8 One-piece pajamas – Um, how do I tell the difference between the regular onesies and the onesie pajamas?

2 Blanket Sleepers – What’s a blanket sleeper?

Bunting Bag – What’s a bunting bag???

OK, the layette list wasn’t going so well.  Let’s move on to the Nursery list and revisit the layette later.

 

Nursery:

Crib – Yes!  Hooray!  We have a crib!

1-3 washable crib mattress pads – Really?  I need 3 mattress pads? I have one, so that’s a start.

2-4 Crib sheets – OK, I have crib sheets.  So far not failing in nursery preparedness.  This is going better than the layette.

4-6 Soft, light receiving blankets – Uh, I have a lot of blankets.  What qualifies it as a “receiving” blanket?

1-2 Heavier blankets – See “receiving blankets”

Rocking or Arm Chair – on back order.

Music Box – Negative.

Crib mobile – Nope.

Nightlight – Not yet?

Swing or Bouncy Chair – Efffffff.

Alright, the nursery list started out promising, but quickly went the way of the layette.  Better just to move on to the next list and go back to the remaining nursery items.

Pink Disaster

Perhaps you can guess how the “Feeding” list went?

I need 10-16 bottles???  But I’m nursing!  Not to mention a bottle warmer, bottle sterilizer, bottle brush – who knew bottles were so high maintenance?

I won’t even go into the “Medicine Cabinet” or “Bath” lists.  Let’s just say I am the worst, most ill-equipped, and now completely panicked mom-to-be.

And I thought I was prepared because Damon and I (I mean Damon, obviously) already installed the car seat.  How misguided.

I also have a feeling some of these items are not “essentials” for a newborn.  For example, a high chair?  For an infant that is going to be breastfed?  I’m pretty sure that a high chair can wait.  So moms, dads and general baby-experts, what are the real essentials?  For an INFANT.  Let me take that further – an infant that pops out early before her first-time mom (who I swear is not completely irresponsible, just clueless) buys out Babies R Us.  Which is now going to happen this weekend.

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Crazy Lady (Not Me, For Once)

Posted on Oct 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

Part II of Rue La La Thinks I’m Dead is going to have to wait. I keep reading about this crazy lady who ran a marathon at 39 weeks pregnant and went into labor after completing the race.  She is quoted as saying Sunday was, “the longest day of my life.” Um, ya think? I know her doctor gave her permission to run half, walk half – but why bother?  As a long distance runner, it boggles my mind that someone would want to run a MARATHON – that’s 26.2 miles – while pregnant!  I’ve remained active throughout my pregnancy, but I don’t think I could run more than a few miles if I tried at this point.  I hung up my running shoes at around 28 weeks and hit the pavement… walking.  Sure, I am totally bored with my workouts and am craving a real run, but I have resigned myself to the fact that I’m – wait for it – freaking pregnant! I know all bodies are designed differently, and I’m assuming this lady is probably a fitness superfreak, but running a marathon is hard enough on your body without carrying A BABY inside of you.  When you’re pregnant, you already have achy muscles, leg cramps, are at a higher risk for dehydration, suffer exhaustion, etc. etc. – all things that running a marathon MAKE WORSE.  WHY DO THAT TO YOURSELF?  (Please note the frequent use of all caps.  They are used to emphasize my EXTREME disapproval.)  Not to mention, the thought of having to go through labor – arguably one of the most painful, exhausting thing the human body ever does – after running a marathon, another activity that pushes your body to the limit, makes me want to take a very long nap right now. I mean, people DIE running marathons.  Why put yourself and your baby at risk?  Throttle back, woman!  There will be more marathons in the future.  Preferably when you’re not pregnant. To be fair, I am not a doctor.  I could very well not know what I’m talking about.  So I’m...

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Rue La La Thinks I’m Dead

Posted on Oct 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

You know you’re downsizing when your favorite shopping websites send you emails suggesting you check your spam filters to ensure you are receiving their email updates.  OK, maybe you’re not downsizing.  Maybe you’re just pregnant. Hi, my name is Diana, and I’m a shopper. Every morning I wake up to an inbox filled with an array of various shopping emails.  There are the boutique websites: Shop It To Me, Gilt Group, Rue La La LA, One Kings Lane, Ideeli and Open Sky.  Then there are the stores I frequent (when my belly is not the size of a beach ball): Banana Republic, J. Crew, Gap, Ann Taylor Loft, etc.  And finally, a few higher-end brands, just to mix things up: Kate Spade, Tory Burch…  I should stop. I know, I know.  I have a problem.  In my defense, I usually delete them all without opening.  However it was a pitiable realization that I had formerly spent enough time on one of these sites that my absence warranted an email notification. Pregnancy has actually been good for my wallet – even I’m not deluded enough to buy clothes that I know won’t fit me.  Sure, there are maternity sites, and yes, I’ve visited them.  But again, I possess just enough prudence not to spend large sums of money on clothes that I will wear for a few months, max.  Only moderate sums of money.  And though maternity clothes are loads better than what they used to be (so women of an older generation tell me), they’re still not worth strapping down a lot of cash for. (Want to see something really ridiculous?  These are fabulous maternity clothes, but check out the cost – love the designs, but not the price tag.) Anyhow, back to my shopping habit.  Not only is browsing for clothing I cannot purchase due to my expanding waistline a huge waste of time, it is also very, very depressing.  Especially with the recent arrival of fall fashion.  Fall is my favorite fashion time of year.  Something about transitioning into cozy sweaters, wool dresses, and boots – oh,...

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The Guard: A Movie Review

Posted on Oct 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

This qualifies as a “I am tired and cranky and just want to go to bed but I committed to this stupid post-a-day challenge so now I must write something” post.  You’ve been warned.  I’m beginning to reevaluate the legitimacy of this challenge; since when is quantity better than quality?  But as of now it’s only day 10, so it’s far too early to give up.  Even if I am pregnant, which should serve as a valid excuse to do whatever I want within legal bounds.   Including throwing in the towel on a blogging challenge!  But I won’t.  Not today. -Sigh- Instead I’m going to go tell you to see The Guard.  It’s hilarious.  Even though I’m cranky, thinking about the film makes me smile a bit. First of all, I love Don Cheadle and he happens to be in this movie.  You should love him, too.  He’s very talented.  It’s a fact. Second, it takes place in Ireland, so everyone but Don Cheadle has Irish accents.   (There are a couple of British accents thrown in as well.)  You can’t (or at least I couldn’t) understand half of the dialogue, but the accents somehow make everything more funny. Third, Damon and I both thoroughly enjoyed the movie, which almost guarantees you will enjoy it.  It is a rare, rare occurrence when Damon and I are both entertained by a film. Your movie interests must fall somewhere between ours, so it follows that you will also be entertained. Fourth, if you are like Damon and me and need a distraction from your alma mater’s recent dismal football performance, this movie will provide such a distraction.  Whereas a movie like, say, Contagion will leave you stressing about an inevitable pandemic that will likely kill you, thus only adding to the anxiety you already feel regarding a poor-performing college football team, The Guard will provide a happy escape. OK, have I persuaded you to see it yet?  Even if your college football team is doing well, you could still use a laugh, right?  I promise it is money well spent. And now...

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News Flash: Nagging Your Husband is Good for His Health

Posted on Oct 9, 2011 in Uncategorized

I stumbled upon this little gem the other day: The Nagging Effect: Better Health for Married Men. The gist of it is, women are often caregivers and generally take better care of their health than their spouses, and thus encourage their husbands to take better care of themselves.  At least, that’s how I read it. I know this to be true.  A few years ago (before Damon and I were married, actually) I noticed a skin anomaly on his forehead along his hairline.  Being paranoid health-conscious, I nagged urged him to get it checked out.  It turned out to be basal cell carcinoma.  Easily removed and treated, thankfully.  All thanks to his loving and concerned significant other! Moral of the story: Ladies, feel free to nag your husbands.  Men, graciously accept such nagging.  It’s for your own good.  Your life could depend on it! But let’s not call it “nagging” – such an ugly word. Share...

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Adventures in Baking

Posted on Oct 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

I made these!  And they didn’t suck! OK, that’s a blatant lie; I didn’t make them.  I read the instructions aloud to my mother and she made them. If only all baking involved me just telling other people what to do – I’d do it a lot more often. However while instructing my mom on how to make the brownies, I had an epiphany: I’m much too much a perfectionist to be a good baker. As “we” were making the pumpkin batter, I told my mom to mix the pumpkin puree, vanilla, cinnamon and ginger to the mixture that “we” had already prepared.  “My cooking instructor says to always double the spices when cooking with pumpkin,” my mother informed me.  I watched in horror as she scooped in not the allotted 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon and ginger each, but an entire FULL teaspoon of the spices. “Mom!” I gasped, “That is not what the recipe calls for!” “Diana,” she replied, casting me a who-do-you-think-I-am look, “Who has been baking for 40+ years?” Touché.  I decided to let this indiscretion go. But then there was the sifting incident.  At one point the recipe called for sifted flour.  To my dismay, my mom showed blatant disregard for this instruction.  “You don’t really need to sift,” she said, flicking spoonfuls of flour into the batter.  “This works just fine.” “Mom, I am not comfortable with this.  It specifically says to sift!  Why aren’t you sifting!?”  Sensing my panic, my mom obliged and sifted.  Although she could have also  sifted only because I had never sifted before and it is highly likely she felt compelled to demonstrate this baking technique lest she have another reason to feel she failed me as a mother.  Her grown daughter not knowing what sifting is?  The tragedy! That momentarily quelled my panic at my mom’s reckless approach to this recipe.  But as it came time to pour the batter into the pan, I noticed that there were some significant chunks of flour that had not been stirred in properly.  I pointed this out to my mother, who...

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