Confessions of a Pregnant Mom

Confessions of a Pregnant Mom

Friends, my posting here has been sporadic at best.  Sure, life has been busy.  My husband was deployed.  I have a lot on my plate.  Blogging takes a back seat.  Blah, blah, blah.

The real reason I haven’t been blogging frequently?  I’m pregnant.  And in case you’ve never been pregnant before, I’m here to tell you, it’s hard.  And get this, it’s way harder the second time around, when you already have a little Tasmanian Devil to chase after all day.

Don’t get me wrong – my husband and I are overjoyed about the soon-to-be addition to our family.  Babies!  Woohoo!  I love babies!

But I emphatically do not love pregnancy.  And I’m highly suspicious of women who say they do.  (You should be, too.  They’re probably liars.)  That first trimester – kill me.  The nausea, the fatigue, the general feeling of not wanting to do anything ever except hide under your covers all day and night.  Who’s with me?

During my first pregnancy, I had terrible nausea 24-7 for the entire first trimester.  Luckily, I worked from home, meaning I could stay in my PJs until whatever hour I wanted, and then whenever I felt like I was absolutely going to die, I could just crawl to the couch and lie there eating Saltines to my heart’s (and stomach’s) content.

This time around, the nausea was not as terrible, nor did it last as long.  Thank the good Lord!  But the exhaustion was so much worse.  And it’s Elisabeth’s fault.  I mean, I love her to death, but she is so freakin’ demanding.  Can you believe she still expected me to get up at 6:00 AM with her!? During the 1st trimester!?  Criminal, I say!

All this to say, I was basically in a semi-conscious state for the past three months, and did not possess the energy to even type a simple blog.  I also reached new lows of motherhood.  Like, “Call CPS, This Woman is Unfit to Parent” lows.  I should probably keep this to myself, but what fun what that be? So here you have it, my confessions of a (first trimester) pregnant mom:

1) I may have fallen asleep while watching my child during one of those ungodly early mornings.  And while I may have been sleeping, she may have gotten into the pantry which I may have forgotten to close the night before.  And she may have pulled out the entire contents of the bottom two shelves – including a box of toothpicks – and dumped them all over the kitchen floor.  She may have proceeded to snack from a box of Triscuits at 6:30AM, because I did not have the energy or awareness to stop her.  She then may have found her slumbering mother on the couch, and dumped an entire container of puffs onto said couch in an effort to wake me.  (Why did we even still have puffs???  When was the last time I cleaned out my pantry?!)  And then, stumbling into the kitchen to survey the damage, I may have stepped on an upturned toothpick.  Um… ouch.  There is a lesson here: No matter how much the first trimester sucks, don’t fall asleep while your child is awake and on the loose.  That’s what CPS calls negligent.

The puff-covered couch.  I was finding those little buggers for days.

The puff-covered couch. I was finding those little buggers for days.

 

A glimpse of my kitchen floor. Luckily only I stepped on an upturned toothpick, and not Elisabeth.  Then I would have felt really guilty.

A glimpse of my kitchen floor.  Not only are toothpicks painful when stepped on, they are terribly difficult to pick up.

2) The iPad parented more than I did.  Seriously, I hate myself for this one, but that damn device is a savior when you’re too sick to function.  “Honey, I’m sorry I can’t take you to the park.  That would require me to move.  But here, watch Elmo for a bit…”

3) Speaking of Elmo, that little red monster came in super handy when I needed to gorge myself on junk food without Elisabeth noticing.  Yup, I definitely used Sesame Street to distract the kiddo while I secretly scarfed down frozen pizza in the kitchen.  Shameful, I know.

4) I did recognize that I couldn’t subsist on frozen pizzas alone.  One night I made myself a nice green salad and a “pita pizza” for Elisabeth.  For the first time in her two years, Elisabeth showed an interest in lettuce and insisted on eating my salad.  All of it.  Until I finally took the salad away from her.  “No more salad until you eat your pizza!” I exclaimed.  What mother says that?  Oh, a pregnant mother.  Do not get in the way of a pregnant woman and her food – even if it’s just a salad.

5) I put my child in daycare to take a nap.  Oh goodness – I hear the collective groan of women everywhere.  The Working Moms: “I knew it!”  The Stay-At-Home Moms: “You’re giving us a bad name!”  Whatever.  As a Pregnant Mom, I say: “So worth it!”  No, really.  I made it a habit to nap every day when Elisabeth napped.  It was really the only way I make it to the end of the day.  (I’m going to go ahead and play the Deployed Spouse card.  With my husband gone and a toddler to take care of by myself, those were reallllllly long days…  Mad props to the women who do it with 2, 3, 4 kids!)  Anyway, on those days when I had a conflict during Elisabeth’s nap time (meetings, English students, etc.), I would go ahead and extend her time in childcare by an hour or two to make sure I could get a little midday shut-eye.  That way, we avoided anymore toothpick incidents.  It was the responsible thing to do, really.

There are plenty more examples of how parenting while pregnant is dreadful – if not downright dangerous – but this is enough for now.  Actually, if I’m being honest (and clearly I’m being honest), I can’t remember much else.  I’m currently experiencing the unfortunate combination of Mommy Brain AND Pregnancy Brain, which is akin to having a lobotomy.  So forgive my forgetfulness.  And my parental neglect.  And my recent lack of blogging.

But hey – I’m now in my second trimester, and Damon is home, and even with the holidays upon, life has calmed down a bit.  Now that I’m no longer sleeping through life, I’m sort of back to being my semi-functioning self; Once I wean Elisabeth from the iPad and get her back to eating greens and generally redeem myself as a parent, I expect to be blogging much more regularly.  In the meantime, who would like to share their parenting-while-pregnant confessions?  Go ahead and leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!

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2 Comments

  1. Had horrible nausea for 6 months with 1st daughter, 9 months with 2nd daughter. While suffering from nausea and lack of energy with the 2nd the 1st, who was 2, expected me to play with her. I would lay on the floor and just move when demanded. Oh, and WE didn’t have Ipads back in the dark ages! You can bet your sweet bippy, I would have used it! AND, the 1st gave up naps before I got pregnant with the 2nd, so no amount of pleading or begging would sway her into taking a nap. I can’t believe she survived my pregnancy. Wait, did I just say that?

  2. Pretty similar, so don’t feel bad: Dropped off 2-year old at daycare, called in sick to work, went home to sleep. Only way to get through 1st trimester!

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